i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
