You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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