I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
