i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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