She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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