do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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