I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
