Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
