i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
