My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
