Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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