Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
