I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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