found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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