Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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