bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
