and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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