Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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