There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He better not be in your backpack
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
