I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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