I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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