I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
