i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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