bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
