He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
