For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
