My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
