I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
