Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
