FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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