So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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