i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
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