Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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