smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
