i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
