There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
