2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
did you just send me my own nude
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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