She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
