apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize