Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
