you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
