Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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