Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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