mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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