we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
