Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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