I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
