Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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