he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
