just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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