I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
