He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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