Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's official drugs can't kill me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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