i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
