If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
