Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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