This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
