he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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