I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
