You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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