fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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