I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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