Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
