These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
