Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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