the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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