My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
