I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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