I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
