I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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