i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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