the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
