Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
