Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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