I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize