She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
