you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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