And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
