weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
