I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
