I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
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