You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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